Remember that one time you finally decided to date that person you’d known for six years but never taken seriously because they made too many bodily function jokes? It seemed like a good idea at the time. You were both on the rebound, looking for something familiar and comfortable to ease the pain. And it worked. So much so that you decided to get engaged three months later. Because, why not? And after six months of flying back and forth – because you were, of course, dating long distance – you finally moved in together. And it was everything you had hoped for, minus all the things you had hoped for. Remember all that? No? Because I do.

A week later, I joined OKCupid for the second time.