Masturbation isn’t cheating. It’s actually a really important part of your relationship

This question, along with other popular Google search queries, reveals a great deal about the prevalence of myths and misinformation about masturbation. Other top questions include: Is it healthy to masturbate? (yes, very!); Do women masturbate (yes!); and Should you masturbate before sex (if you want to!). It’s only natural that we turn to the internet for help with these burning questions given that many of us received little to no sex education at school.

Is masturbation cheating? When our partners are out for the night, and we crack open the box of vibrators, does it count as a betrayal? To clear up any confusion, I spoke to Gigi Engle, ACS certified sexologist, resident sex educator at 3Fun, and author of All The F*cking Mistakes: a guide to sex, love, and life. “Cheating is betrayal. Cheating is physically having sexual contact with another person(s). It is deception. Cheating is getting yourself off,” Engle told me. “You cannot cheat on your partner with yourself.”

“The whole concept is just silly,” she added. “There are so many other, grander relationship concerns you’ll deal with during the course of your relationship. Don’t put masturbation on that list.” While questions like this might frame masturbation as a negative in a relationship, it can actually have the opposite effect for couples. “In fact, studies have shown that masturbating in relationships can actually increase overall libido, leading people to more frequent partnered sexual play,” Engle added.