Both you and your daughter deserve better. If he makes you feel badly and lies to you, how can you think he will treat your d on [34 favorites]

It’s unclear to me how emotionally involved with him you are, but if you are in any kind of romantic relationship, you should absolutely end it

If you have the opportunity to cut him out, cut him out. This could get complicated legally/&c. (I don’t know the custody laws and so on) so I’ll leave the details to others, but no, do not do NOT feel guilty. As a daughter with a piece of shit step-dad, two of my greatest sources of pain are 1) knowing what an fucking asshole he was to my mother and 2) watching my mother be crushed under his abusive, manipulative bullshit. Fuck him. This is not a grey area, he’s a piece of shit. And you bounce back by getting him out of your life as much as possible and coming to realize his shitty behavior has nothing to do with who you are as a person.

You seem like right now you can’t imagine having any kind of co-parenting relationship with your ex that doesn’t include your being in a sexual relationship with him and being exploited financially by him

This is NOT your fault, and you should not feel stupid. You were a good person who gave him the benefit of the doubt, he is a terrible person who takes advantage of people emotionally and financially and makes them feel crazy and stupid so he can get what he wants. You should most definitely tell your therapist about this– you absolutely don’t come off poorly, he absolutely does. He/she will be able to help. posted by stoneandstar at 7:12 PM on [12 favorites]

Please tell your therapist everything you’ve told us. The therapist will not judge you; they’ve almost certainly worked with other clients who have similarly misjudged their partners’ integrity.