Of course, Marin’s best advice for anyone hurt by their partner is to seek therapy to process their complicated feelings.

“You’re going to be devastated when it happens, and that’s okay,” said Marin. “You have to allow yourself to have those feelings and those reactions because they make sense. But at some point, you also have to recognize that it’s much more about your partner than it is about you.”

As for whether you should stay with your partner, that FT, the decision to remain in the relationship can be based on factors such as:

• Each partner’s commitment to the relationship
• Cultural values and norms
• The impact on children (if they have children together)

If you and your partner decide to work through an instance of cheating, a therapist may work with you to rebuild the relationship.

What To Do if You’ve Cheated On Your Partner

“If monogamy, commitment, and trust are important values to you, and you’ve done something massive to go against all those values, that’s a critical thing to address,” said Marin. “Whether you tell your partner about the infidelity or not.”

Recognize Your Feelings and Actions

Some people, Marin said, aren’t actively looking to have an affair.